Last week the news programmes here

managed to fill great swathes of airtime

with news of the arrival of Shakira’s baby.

despite the absence of much real data –

(he’s a boy and he’s called Milan).

The broadcasters had to resort

to asking people in Baranquilla,

Shakira’s home city, what they thought of the name

(there was universal approval),

and showing pictures of the paparazzi chasing

the couple’s car into the clinic in Barcelona where Milan was born.

Britons! Be warned!

This is what is awaiting you this summer

when the royal baby is born.