My flight from Bogotá to London was about an hour late in leaving.

It seemed that we were boarding a different plane from the one we were booked on, which meant all our seat numbers were wrong. By the time it was my turn to board – in the last group – there was chaos.

Just sit here, the flight attendant said, gesturing to an aisle seat.

She is not sitting here, my wife is, said a disagreeable Englishman.

Here, then, said the attendant, gesturing to another seat.

Typical Colombian inefficiency, the Englishman said, annoying me intensely.

When I landed in London, knowing I had missed my connection to Glasgow, I was met by Avianca ground staff, who had booked me on to the next flight and had my boarding pass ready for me. In all my years of air travel, this has simply NEVER happened to me before.

So grumpy Englishman, eat your words.

Avianca = typical Colombian efficiency.

I was watching a game show the other day (don’t ask),
and a contestant was close to winning a prize of several thousand pounds.

What will you spend it on? the host asks, as hosts do.

Well, the contestant replies, My mate is celebrating his thirtieth birthday with a trip to Colombia, and if I win, I reckon I’ll go along.

Colombia!? the host repeats, laughing, before adding, What could possibly go wrong?

I think, maybe…nothing?